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It’s not a secret that I’m completely useless with money. It’s kind of a fortunate "problem" I have. The problem isn’t that I can’t hold onto my money, on the contrary I’m absolutely terrible at spending it. The result is that I don’t have a lot of fancy stuff; not many clothes but an ever expanding bank account. I simply don’t crave a lot of things. I tend to buy expensive things in short bursts. Like recently I bought a PS3 + games. Last year I bought a dollfie. I was never really interested in the community aspect of owning such a doll (a lot of people play dress-up and write stories about their dolls, pretend they’re alive stuff). I got mine simply because I like cute things. And she is adorable by the way.

I’ve heard about the love dolls of the east a couple of years ago. Silicone shaped to perfection. Beautifully crafted bodies, soft to the touch and bordering on true realism. But these toys come with a price. We’re talking about the price of a large-sized HD TV or in some cases a small car. It’s something you laugh about with your friends; something you pass off as extravagant blow-ups for rich people without a life. You tell yourself these things until you realize you could actually afford one.

So for the rest of this post, let’s pretend that these dolls aren’t very expensive at all. Let’s say a doll like this has the price-tag equivalent of an iPod or an Xbox 360. Something that you might consider buying if you had some extra money lying around. Can you imagine that? Good. Now we’re on the same level and can talk about it as adults. But before we delve deeper into the subject, lets talk a little bit about toys in general.

First of all, there simply aren’t that many options for single straight men who want to enhance their private time. This quickly becomes evident as soon as you step into any sex shop. Dildos and oddly shaped phalli cover the walls! They come in all colors and sizes. Vibrating, rotating, dual-action dildos by the hundreds. The amount of products targetted at women are quite amazing (and I’m sure most open-minded women would agree). There’s also this misconception that the only guy who buys sex toys is gay. This misconception is fueled by the fact that most toys available are for gays. On the contrary, whenever a girl buys a toy for herself the typical reaction is: "Good for you. Wanna have sex?".

The male equivalent of the women’s dildos would be, well.. holes! There are different kinds of masturbators, but not nearly as much variety as with dildos. One of the most popular ones is the fleshlight ("it looks like a flashlight *nudge* get it?"). It’s acts like a substitute for the trusty right hand and offers a more realistic feel, but you still need to use your right hand to work it. These kind of toys range from cups filled with jelly up to realistic molds of porn stars, but now we’re already up in the hundreds of dollars in cost.

Would you fuck this?

Another option for guys are prostate stimulators. Like dildos they’re designed to stimulate the g-spot, but in males. That said, they’re not really dildos at all. These doodads are designed to go up your butt and rest against the male g-spot, the prostate gland. By clinging your sphincter muscles it will rock inside you and massage the prostate which (if all goes well) should make you feel really good and produce a more powerful orgasm than your regular ejaculatory one. The biggest issue with this toy is the fact that it goes up your butt, including all the uncomfortabilities that comes with that. It’s still a great toy but not something that the average man will go out and buy. I mean, just look at it! It has gay written all over it!

I say what, what? In the butt.

Lastly there are the love dolls. There’s something very stigmatic with love dolls and there is a very good reason for this; they’re stupid. What’s the difference between a blow-up doll and beach ball? I don’t know. Buying a blow-up doll is like a silly joke you pull on one of your mates on his birthday, not something any sane person would spend any quality time with, let alone money! This was my firm opinion on life-sized dolls before I saw the japanese silicone dolls.

These dolls throw the whole "they’re stupid" argument out the window! Clearly they’re not your typical blow-up. They’re freaking beautyful. The only argument against them that remains is the price, but remember I asked you to forget about the price. Let’s imagine for a second that you could actually afford one. What would you do then?

Cock goes where?

I have a hard time to think that any single straight guy would say no if they were offered one of these dolls for free. If they do they’re either a hypocrite, religious or they should hand in their man-card. Sure, not every guy is comfortable with sex toys but since you are on this site reading this article I’m going to assume that at least you are (unless of course you’re.. not a guy). These types of dolls are currently seeing a boom of sorts in Japan. The sheer realism of them have caught the eye of the mainstream media and more and more guys are willing to make an order of one or more.

The finer models are made out of an elastic skinlike silicone material. Some models even have a different mix of silicone in the breasts to make them even softer. The body  is molded around a steel and urethane skeleton, which makes them feel hard in all the right places as well as give them a substantial weight. They have adjustable joints that let you move the limbs and put them in different poses. They usually don’t come with modelled vaginas, but an empty orifice in the groin instead. The reason for this is so you can insert an artificial vagina, but more importantly so you can take it out and clean it when you’re done. Unless of course you enjoy performing gynecologic excavation with a spatula.

If you ask the average buyer of these dolls they will say it’s not only about sex. A lot of them treat their dolls more as a hobby, not unlike to the dollfie phenomenon, and they spend much of their time playing with their dolls. They buy them outfits, talk to them and write blogs about them online. It’s easy to call "sad loser" on this kind of behaviour, but I think we’re underestimating the potency of having something so lifelife in the same room as you. As humans we naturally tend to personify inanimate objects if they look lifelike enough. But obviously, moderation is key in this hobby.

I don’t care what people thinks. I still want one.

I’ll round up this extra long post by pointing to a website that has proven really helpful for finding out more about these dolls. The site is owned by Tabo, a japanese doll collector who probably owns more dolls than is recommended. Even though the site is in japanese, you’ll find links to all of the different manufacturers, their dolls and prices and there are a ton of pictures and videos. It’s a great place to start for anyone who might be interested in finding out more about these dolls.

The doll data room